


goodbye,

by beeseven



Category: GOT7
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Death?????, Drowning, Fantasy, Jaebeom centric, Kinda?, M/M, Past life, for once, this is 2jae but youngjae is only mentioned, what can i do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:48:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24115285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beeseven/pseuds/beeseven
Summary: Jaebeom is a younger lawyer that has everything perfect in his life, at least he seems to have, even though it all hurts for him. It isn’t until he dies that he is finally able to live the life he always wished to live. To be with the love of his life and to finally be free and happy. It all ends when he comes back to life though.
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum | JB, Im Jaebum | JB/Other(s), briefly - Relationship
Comments: 10
Kudos: 21





	goodbye,

**Author's Note:**

> hello, happy mothers day idk if this is worldwide???  
> but anyways this is HEAVILY inspired by moon lovers scarlet ryeo the whole plot is from it and you cant blame is my favorite drama so :)  
> it might be confusing so im sorry, but anyways, Youngjae in the past life is called 'Wang So or Gwangjong' and Jaebeom is 'Hae Soo', alright?  
> this is totally different from anything I usually write but i hope it's at least enjoyable for real even if it's not happy happy etc pls enjoy  
> also jaebeom centric im excited  
> read the tags

**2014**

Everything was wrong in his life as if every step he took to get here was the wrong one, the worst part was that Jaebeom knew that. When he agreed to go to Law School as his parents wanted instead of being the artist he always dreamed to be as a kid. When he accepted this stupid job in this stupid company that had he doing things that he found abominable but couldn’t say ‘no’ to. He knew how screwd he was when he saw himself having a talk with the parents of his long-term girlfriend about marriage last night, the person he is becoming, the life he is living, it’s nothing like the life he thought he would live. 

He was drinking his second bottle of soju, sitting by a lake where families were reunited to eat or to just spend time together, that was no place for him, he sat there looking at them, he wasn’t jealous of them. Jaebeom didn’t care about his fancy suit probably getting ruined by the dirty of the groud, he only drunk more and more. ‘Till he saw a man, looking like a homeless sitting not too close to him, but close enough, he eyed Jaebeom expectantly. 

Jaebeom reluctantly gave the bottle of soju over, the man drank everything in one go, Jaebeom could only stare. He was used to drinking but he wasn’t that good. They said nothing, ‘till Jaebeom felt a terrible headache approaching him, he had to go back to real life soon. He couldn’t just run away, he saw from afar as a little kid tried to get into a boat by himself, he didn’t pay it any attention.

“Ahjussi, what do you do when your entire life is ruined? When You can’t just go back in time and change everything?” Jaebeom asked not really expecting a reply. 

The man eyed him and smiled, a creepy smile that soon vanished, “your life won’t change just because you want.”

“Huh?” Jaebeom knows that, if it worked like that he would change everything right about now.

“Maybe, you could just die and reincarnate.” Jaebeom hears a loud noise, like something falling into the lake but he is more worried about what the man said, so he doesn’t look over.

“Die? You mean I should die?” But the man just turns over and starts snoring as if Jaebeom isn’t even there, the younger man looks at the lake and there’s no kid anymore. He suddenly realizes where the noise came from. “Oh my God! Ahjussi! Someone, help!”

Jaebeom is yelling from the bottom of his lungs but no one seems to hear him, he is sure someone else is going to save the kid, he is drunk he can’t just jump, but no one will just listen to him. Fuck it! He jumps into the lake swimming, the kid is drowning but Jaebeom is fast enough to get him, soon people that he believes to be the kid’s parents are in a boat desperately taking the kid from him. 

“Take my hand, quickly take my hand,” the man is saying to Jaebeom after the kid is safe in the boat. Something changes in the sky, it’s not supposed to be an eclipse but the sun becomes completely dark and the lake pulls Jaebeom’s body. He can’t take the other’s man’s hand, it’s close but he can’t, his body sinks.

* * *

**2015**

* * *

**2016**

Jaebeom gasps waking up at once, breathing barely coming at him, there are tears rolling down his face, like always. “It’s just a nightmare, oppa,” Sooah, his fiance, says from his side trying to calm him down with one hand at his nape. Jaebeom dodges away from it. 

He feels a pang in his heart, it’s becoming more usual these days, said nightmares too, he never can remember anything from them but he knows just how much they hurt him, how they will never stop hurting. 

“I’ll sleep on the couch,” he says without looking at her, he knows it’s not her fault none of this is but he can’t help it, he wants to be alone, he wants this feeling to go away. 

“Oppa, it’s your apartment, also I don’t want you to be alone… I was thinking shouldn’t you go back to counseling? These nightmares are getting worse and--” her voice is sweet but Jaebeom has had enough he stares her dead in the eyes. 

“No! Why should I go back? Who wouldn’t have nightmares after they died and stayed in a coma for a year, it’s traumatic, alright? And therapy isn’t fucking helping, neither are you.” 

Jaebeom doesn’t know if it hurts her, probably, but he is hurting too, the pain in his chest won’t go away, he wakes up every night crying and he doesn’t know why he can’t have a full night of sleep, nothing changed in his life even though he thought it would change. He still is the same lame person, he feels like a burden, he doesn’t love Sooah but they will get married at the end of the year. 

He can’t stop the rebel thoughts inside him, he feels like a teenager, the teen he should have been, the one that doesn’t listen to his parents and just does as he pleases. Now he died just to live again to still be stuck with this life. Shame on him, really shame on him. 

On the very next day, Jaebeom is exhausted he was up before the sun rose so he wouldn’t see Sooah, he worked too much, he felt weak, maybe because he didn’t sleep at all. They were also defending a big corporation against some small producers, Jaebeom felt like shit. He was walking home when he saw an exposition in a museum, ‘The Goryeo Kingdom’, again the pang on his heart that he ignored. Jaebeom loved museums so he decided to enter, he would just look quickly, take some pictures and come back later with more time. 

The exposition was beautiful, it had information from researches that never stoped, as well as beautiful ceramic, Jaebeom could swear that they were the prettiest he has ever seen, there was a room titled ‘Gwangjong’ the letters written in gold and Jaebeom felt it hard to breathe. Something told him to just go home, to not enter there, but he did, he needed to know. 

There were explanations in all walls, they were like newspapers telling who Gwangjong has been, the fourth king of Goryeo. Jaebeom could feel the first tears start filling his eyes, his personal name ‘Wang So’, another wall said, and them a bunch of portraits of him. The most handsome man Jaebeom has ever seen in his life. The man he loved the most, the man he still loved. 

He couldn’t stop the tears anymore because he remembered, he remembered falling in love with Wang So and being denied the right to be together, he remembers trying to escape with him, remembers all the love he had for the other man. He sees drawings of the man in rocks, drawings he made when he was close to his death and he waited for So to come to see him and he never came. 

He sees a portrait of the King standing alone in front of the palace, no family, no allies, no lovers, all Jaebeom can do is sob, “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have come back. I’m sorry I left you alone. You were alone in the ending, I’m so sorry--” 

A girl that works in the museum helps him, she sits him down and gives him some water, they don’t talk, Jaebeom isn’t in a mental place in which he can talk anyway. He now can remember everything, when he died he really lived another life, in one year he lived more than seven. He lived with the love of his life over a thousand years ago. 

Jaebeom takes a taxi back home, he tries to hold his tears but he doesn’t know if he is successful, he doesn’t care anyway. When he gets there he sees Sooah, Jackson, and Jinyoung waiting for him with annoyed faces, “we’ve been calling you, hyung.”

Jaebeom doesn’t spare them a second look he goes straight to his room slamming the door shoot, he is sobbing loudly and probably everyone can hear him but he just doesn’t care. This is his place, they can all leave he doesn’t care. There are knocks at the door, he just ignores, but soon Jinyoung is entering the room and sitting in the bed next to him. 

“Hey, what happened?” He asks, his voice too sweet, Jaebeom has known him his entire life but never heard him so sweet and caring before, “hyung, are your hurt? What’s wrong?”

“Yeah, Jinyoung, I’m hurting, can’t you see?” Jaebeom said between sobs, he wanted his other life back if only to see So again, he loved his parents, and he loved his best friends but he would never find him here he knew that. 

“Just, tell me that happened and we will go from there, alright?” Jinyoung was playing with his hair like a mother would do to her kid, it didn’t help not really but after a long time Jaebeom calmed down a little to be able to speak.

“If I say you will think I’m crazy,” that’s a statement, anyone will think Jaebeom is crazy there’s no way around this. So he just drops everything on Jinyoung, how in the year he was in a coma he was actually living another life in the Goryeo Kingdom. Jinyoung does look at him as if he is crazy. 

“And you just remembered that by seeing his face in an exposition?” 

“I guess…. Jinyoungie, he was really mad at me the last time we saw each other. I didn’t want to stay at the palace because he was going to marry the princess and he was jealous over something else, anyway, he said it was the last time he was going to see me and it was. It really was.” It is all Jaebeom could say before he is sobbing again it takes Jinyoung another hour to calm the man down so he can speak again. 

“Listen, maybe, it was all a dream, but it’s difficult for you to see it now Jaebeom hyung. Still, you have a life, a real one, here and you can’t waste it because of a really realistic dream.”

Jaebeom nods at his friend, they decided to go to the living room, both their fiances must be worried waiting for them. Jaebeom stands in the middle of the room, his eyes are red and swollen, “Sooah, let’s break up.”

* * *

**2017**

Havana gotta be one of the prettiest places Jaebeom has ever seen in his life, he bought a lot, really a lot of cameras he thought that was essential for this trip. He’s been taking photos of everything, the sunrise is so captivating, mainly at the beach. He goes to the Malecón almost every day and it seems to be always different, the colors, the people, the sounds, he feels free here. For once Jaebeom feels free.

Jaebeom is not happy, he can’t be, but for the first time he is free in this life, people try to approach him, women most of the time, but he always pretend to not be able to speak English or Spanish, they try anyways but he is not interested. He is interested in living, in learning, in looking for _him_.

He writes a lot, he got a diary and every night he writes about his days, it’s like he is telling someone how he’s doing in this life, he knows to whom he wants to tell about his days but he can’t not yet. Anyway. 

He’s learning how to draw again, it’s almost like in his past life, he draws So in every beautiful place he thinks that this way is like he’s not here by himself. It’s not like he is sad about being here alone, he wanted that, he’s single for the first time in forever, he’s on the other side of the world because he wanted to have his freedom, he gave up on a profession he never wanted. He’s free, the only person he wanted here with him, can only be by drawings. 

He is living the life he always wanted to live, he only needed to remember.

* * *

**2018**

Jaebeom is as free as he could be, he’s been living in Cobh a city of Ireland, it’s crazy, it’s the smallest city he has ever been but it’s so liberating. He knows everyone in the city, probably not everyone, but all the old people that’s for sure, at first they thought he was weird and a bad person, what with the piercings and the newly shaved head, he looked nothing like a good boy from the country. Plus he was an artist, he didn’t have much to do there, but soon they warmed up to him. 

He helped all the old ladies with their groceries and that seemed to be enough, plus he painted them, they loved it. The city was pretty cold though, Jaebeom’s heart suffered more and more when the temperature dropped, it’s not that he wasn’t used to it, he was. But since he died it would make his heartbeat too slow, he could barely leave his bed, still, at night he would lie outside and draw the stars, he knew the name of all the constellations but he remembers how So just had different names for them. He tried really hard to remember them and write them down under the drawings. 

That was the closet of happiness Jaebeom has ever felt, no one knew him here, no one tried to hit on him, he even went fishing with some of the men of the village he lives in. He could be complete here, he could fake his smile ‘till the end of his life here he could do it again.

* * *

**2019**

“Oh boy, will you change this color every other week?” Bridget, a lady in her late 70s asked him with a smile on her face while she messed up with his hair like a real grandma, Jaebeom couldn’t help but smile at her. 

She was one of his favorites ladies in here, he had painted her a lot of times, she loved everything he did, which explains why he liked her so much, he liked being appreciated. “Guess so, the good thing is that I can change it as my humor changes,” 

She smiled again knowing, “then you will change it a lot!” Jaebeom smiles, but he feels weird about the commentary. 

Later he video calls his parents, his mother isn’t as pleased with his hair, “why do you have green hair, Jaebeom? Are you out of your mind? Since that incident--” 

His father silences her but doesn’t say anything about his hair or appearance in general, he just asks Jaebeom to come back home. Says that it’s okay that he can do whatever he wants with his life but to come back already that it’s been too long, “we are getting old, son. We should spend some time together.”

Jaebeom lays in bed that night, he feels so, so weak, he felt like that before, not in this life, he felt like that when he was Hae Soo. When he was close to dying when he left the palace and he knew his time was near.

* * *

**2020**

“Never thought I would see Lim Jaebeom with pink hair, you just look so fluff, hyung,” Jackson squirmed from the other side of the table, they were all having lunch at his parents’ house celebrating his return. “You look nothing like the boy that went to Law School with us,” 

His mother seemed sad about it, it wasn’t that Jaebeom didn’t want to make her happy as her only son he did, he wanted her to be proud of him, but he spent his entire life doing just that. He thought he could take some years for himself, he could be selfish this time. 

“Cheers to that,” his father says, Jaebeom smiles, he doesn’t know means that but it makes him happy. 

After he is back it doesn’t take long for Jaebeom to not be able to even be able to leave his bed every day, to be too weak to even eat, his heart so weak he knows it’s a miracle that he still has the will to draw So’s face every night just like he did in the other life. It was in rocks before, now he can do it in beautiful expensive papers like his beautiful face deserves. 

Of course, his family takes him to the best hospital in Seoul, it’s the same doctor that took care of him when he died six years ago. “Jaebeom-ssi, be honest with me since when have you been feeling this ‘pangs’ in your heart?”

Jaebeom wants to say since I died a thousand years ago, but he doesn’t “I don’t know four or so years?”

Doctor Kang looks too worried at his exams, he doesn’t scold Jaebeom for not looking for help before as Jaebeome thought he would. “Jaebeom-ssi, you have a serious disease in your heart, we can’t stop it now, I don’t believe we could ever stop it. But a friend of mine, he is a really good cardiologist, he can take better care of you, he can assure you will have a better life.”

“But there’s no cure,” Jaebeom says, he feels panic even though he was ready for this, he’s been ready since the first time he felt his heart contracting in his chest. 

“There’s no cure yeah, but he might give you life, quality of life, do you understand?” Jaebeom kind of does. He knows times are different, that this time he can at least understand what he has, and that he can have proper treatment, that this cardiologist can give him an opportunity to live longer. To keep trying, but what is the point? Jaebeom won’t ever be happy again, he can’t be happy in this life.

He goes to his parents’ garden at night to watch the stars, tears rolls downs the sides of his face while he coughs in the cold night, he lived enough he thinks. He looked for So the past years but he couldn’t find him, he isn’t in this world anymore, and just like in his past life he will die without seeing him. Maybe he will call the cardiologist tomorrow if only to try once more, Jaebeom gives a final look at the doctor’s business card before closing his eyes, it reads ‘Doctor Choi Youngjae Cardiology Specialist.’ 

**Author's Note:**

> ive had this in the back of my mind for like two weeks but im still on my exams period, i just had the time to sit and write this today  
> it's inspired for a lot of things not just moon lovers but it's the main inspiration  
> idk if anyone made it to the end but if you did thank you and stay safe it was fun writing this :)


End file.
